it's not worth making the effort. good luck though

Power. Nothing.

26/01/25

Power. Nothing. Down. Power. Nothing. Down.
Power. Follow-up. Down. Power. Nothing. Down.

I am the selfish Descartes

09/01/25

I think therefore you are.


January

09/01/25

here I am again, where I heard Bush Hall
A year older on branches of dead tree
I reach my arms to the horizon, as does he
both hopeful, both blue as the snow

I will die this january and appear a third time
melancholic anew

At a fancy charity dinner

08/07/24

At a fancy charity dinner, the host gets everyone's attention.
"Now lets all collectively imagine our biggest donor," he gestures to a pretty lady who stands up.
"in a bikini a few sizes too small for her." He begins to clap.
The room reupts into cordial applause and the voluptuous woman blushes and bashfully bows.

Strip poker in the hostel room

June 2024

Strip poker in the hostel room
From the top bunk I did just what I wanted
Spin the bottle in a room of my male peers
Any wonder I turned out the way I did
Friendless until I cry. Hard.

Minesweeper Online

June 2024

That deer girl who strips when you get a chemistry question right will blow my brains out when I'm done.

Dear 2

June 2024

Dear ,

Like our parents, we loved.
That is, not at all.
Bludgeon me as I, you.
A pathetic handjob in the bathroom
too much too soon.

We didn't kiss but,
we could have.
Another minute together or
a devious reunion.
We remain dolls on the shelf.

Walking
Walking
Running
Baseball bat to the face
Eat dirt, prick.

Sorry...

Dear 1

June 2024

Dear ,

I wish we could have worked it out in person.
With everything we did, and all that I've learned.
We could have met.
You'd entertain me for an hour or so
In a coffee shop.
But you don't like coffee...

What I said was the truth,
I said what I believed, babe.
It was brilliant, no one knew.
I left your name out didn't you know?
No one could have known.
And we'd have met.
You'd entertain me for God
An uncomfortable charity.

But then again it's my fault.
I'm not where I am.
No one can reach me to connect.
In France I felt you.
In England, I'm gone.
I will never see you again.

this Place

29/03/24

I've never felt more connected to this place
than the one day
I'm glad to leave
and never come back

Ferris Wheel on Fire

24/03/24

self is the ferris wheel on fire
as the bolts break and metal collides
flying up over the hills
and is left, a boy watches on with
cotton candy in hand

'pleasure'

04/03/24

There is no word 'pleasure.'

Far form

24/02/24

A far form sits idly
Shape of man suits it best

A uniquely lonely feeling

Written after sitting under a tree in a storm at night - 21/01/24

A rock yearns to be pushed
leans against a tree

"You must help me,"
says the rock
The tree says nothing

"I need you to sway
lean into me
allow the wind it's way
my body yearns for the sensation
my uniquely lonely feeling demands"

The tree in silence, the rock continues:
"Because I am too heavy myself
the wind too weak"
as he speaks the wind blows
more strongly this time
Weak roots allow the tree the give
she shoves the rock,
who sighs in orgasm

"As the rain spills
from heaven to my head
it pours down my back
around my side
explores folds
soaks into the ground,
I still am discontented"

And so the rock leaves.

Drinking

31/12/23

Drinking
In my room
Desperate to leave this hellhole of a house

I can't die now
Death won't redeem

Trying desperately not to

21/11/23

Attempting undeath
Walking off hoping I don't come back
Roaming is easy
when there's no reason to return.
If I get hit, lost, or fall
It's done.
I am fulfilled in the nothing I achieved.
You'll be gutted, maybe
but all live on in passivity
to my dickless, heartless ghost.
Spirits aren't real
or I'd have been touched
by myself already.
You know it now,
you goddamned genius.

I hate the sun

it hurts - 25/10/23

I hate the sun
I hate squinting because of the sun
It hurts

I can't count.

Lilith, sorry I'm so dramatic - 13/08/23

I knew your shade
I knew your eyes
I knew your face
I know your shape

As a dog remembers, I know you
A scent below my threshold

As a kid I stitched a snout not hurt
Here a goat screams silently

In hazy dusk I catalog
the faults in you I see
When light bursts through the morning fog
The blame falls onto me

20/02/23

Is my life even
When I'm so empty
That I can't even
Fetishize being dead?

What's it all worth
When living take nothing
When coasting is free
and nothing in me

Sex moves for the blind

On you, on top of me
Fourteen minutes I leave
to get a glass of orange juice

Cry into his arms
his pillows now he's gone
trip on his shoes
on your way out

Try hanging upside-down
Put a bucket underneath
let

tie your pussy to mine
leave to chill
cover with onion gravy

"get your hair out my mouth"
says she behind
"its not mine"

Teach sex moves to the blind
they say par for the course
but it's hard enough to find
a love i dont make up much worse

Lover

Lover, who harbours yours for me
The fog hangs thick over us
I search your sillhouette with mine eyes

Lover, will I find mooring
Hold me tight
Before I drift in open water

Lover, of whom in slumber do I dream
Awaken in my arms
Full years will never come

Lover, who doth need me
Pull off your robes
Yell, scream, for I'm gone aren't I?

Malcolm

His bluebells buried
alongside his corpse
Will carry his escence
into the wind
Fall silent my friend
you lived with me
Yet in years still
while your name is gone
Maybe to me you'll grow tall
as the Wye is wide
and you'll rise and glow
I'll take you along for my ride.

Self Obsessed

I'm self obsessed?
But what is there but me?
Nothing exists until I observe
I am the universe.

Need I contemplate your self
When the circuit is incomplete?
For when you are thought
I am not.

A certain kind of sadness

Is it really fair
When I'm breathing your air
That I don't want to?

Is it another I seek
Or am I just weak
At the knees for you unknowing?

Got Lost

I'm close
Teetering,
Grasping at ephemeral-
Words and meanings.

I'm a contact lens away
From impact
Into you and you
Don't see it

If I could remember seeing you,
Would we weep as one?
As our only draw
Was my crocodile's

Shit Eating Grin

For her eggs I am a vessel
Throughout vomit and through blood
I still can feel them wriggle
Come exploding out through mud

Those unsatisfied with crows
Fed up with being eaten
Enter your flesh!
Live in your mucus!
For no longer is it mine.
But yours, oh Sinuous Queen.

As Venus was a God,
let no man flush you out.

Parisian Bus

She's a lot closer in my head
I want her to be closer
Lay your head on me
Like you did when we were younger
Lean on me
And I'll accidentally lean back
But you won't notice
You're asleep right?

It's 2AM I'm fucking exhausted
but I'm listening to Car Seat Headrest
and delirium takes over
Let's have sex in my head
You wanted to right?
Shit, am I nuts?

Weekday Malaise

I'm crying that I'm not.
Sick of Thursdays
they all add up
eventually split you down the middle.
Dude, I'm like that snake
that eats it's own tail?
Except I'm choking down my intestines
and tasting it's sweet ambrosia.

Sneeze depression
Effluvia of the Friday
stuck to my car window
wipers spread it longways
just enough for a taste

Can I get an amen?
Not even one?
Tear me up inside I can take it
I'm a fucking man, dick whole
green just ain't my thing
it's blue that I'm wont.
except wait I want?
because I'm not bursting
I don't even remember the lyrics

Head of the Hydra

Don't try to wake me, baby
I'm the opposite of somnambulatory
Reddit, what is that?
Oh Normal? Get it.
Hit my head with a frying pan
I'm climbing up the pyramids,
but they're gone. What?

old blog

2023 ish

this is my old blog which im not happy with, caused me a lot of grief but i think it needs to be preserved so here. have at ye.